Jail The ADULTERERS

Scrapbooking ... this is a hobby, my therapy

2009-07-06T14:17:00.000-07:00

06 July 2009.

DENIED.... DENIED..

2009-07-03T20:20:00.000-07:00

03 JULY 2009. In a state of depression, I released my sentiments and I asked to be relieved of duties. I felt sad and unrecognized. I was thinking of letting go as the finance officer - perhaps, it would not be so bad to be made into an usher or embassy guard, to usher people in and out of the building. But then my Ambassador replied - DENIED. Can I be relieved of other duties as well, DENIED. I was silent, and then I slowly felt good. This is one denial, that made me more confident and sure about myself.

Crying on the floor

2009-07-02T18:22:00.000-07:00

02 July 2009. My mother have informed me, tom or rather now - Philippine time, they would be celebrating the 40th day of my father's death. She informed me that she sleeps with my brother's family again, since her domestic angel have left. My mother finds it difficult to sleep alone since she was beaten.

She informed me of their plans on how to celebrate it. I feel sad and helpless.

yes.. i am depressed!!!

2009-07-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

01 July 2009. I think that is the first step I have to make - admitting that I am getting into a deep spiral of depression. Or that I am undeniably or unquestionably depressed. I am already sitting on my office table and yet I still could not do my own work. I have to my credit have already downloaded the Embassy communication. Its the first day so I should be paying the LQA for the month ... and yet I find myself vacillating, my mind wondering to the messages I exchanged with my mother.

I need to focus. I need to accept reality. I need to admit the truth.

My father is dead, shot in the head with a gunshot wound with the killer still out there. And we could only even think that the killer is a hired assasin for otherwise, my father would have already reacted when he saw him in public transportation. My father was shot point blank in a Jeep (Evangelista - Libertad route) said to be on his way to his mistress.

Liar! Liar!

2009-01-08T07:38:00.000-08:00

08 January 2009. They had their first appearance in court. The judge is pushing for an amicable settlement - stating that due to my father's age of 69, he would not be sent to jail. Surprisingly, my Mom was steadfast, she was strong! I really thank the heavens for it.

Philandering moments ...

2008-12-28T09:57:00.000-08:00

28 December 2008. People usually ask me how could my father fool us for more than 2 decades? I have always suspected even before but my friends always advised me that it is a marriage problem between my parents and thus not my problem - and I tried to console myself that it was nothing serious, just another series of non committal flings after all, other mistresses have been found accidentally in the past.

1. I was very young then, I was definitely still in the elementary, we still have that red cougar car. My father usually excused himself to go hunting with some friends and relatives. So that weekend, with my father gone - Tia Celing invited us and my Mom, obliged, reasoning out that we have nothing better to do really. So we were picked up from Pasay to go to Guadalupe Makati where Tia Celing's bakery store is located, which is downhill.

As the jeep we are riding was going down, it cross path with our red cougar!!! My father was in the driver's seat together with a girl. BUSTED!! I was worried that history have repeated itself then and that I would have a broken family.

True enough, my father came back later apologizing to us. Nothing monumental happened, as if the girl and the lie about hunting .... this is the earliest philandering moment I can recall.

2. My father likes mestizas - fair white ladies. Thus I found out later that one of our store helpers have become his mistress, her name is Alona. It was all kept secret from me, but I learned because I came across her letter to Mercy, another helper in the cash drawer in Tramo. Since I was in grade 4, I have learned to count and handle money, and I would not only accompany my mother but would also be manning the store and the cash drawer. So there, I saw the letter, Alona calling Mercy "Man og". I never did confront my Mother about it, if she chose to keep silent, so did I then. This would be the 80s, we had another store in Belarmino, Bangkal, Makati - it was more likely I was in college, or late High School. We had the store there for seven years, then the lease contract was not renewed, so bye bye store. Mercy explained that "man og" meant snake in their visayan dialect, and that because she told my mother about the affair.

3. It was also in the Belarmino store that we first learned about Chile. Apparently some relatives, some family went to the store to ask my father to stop the affair, instead they chanced upon my Mother. To my knowledge, My Mom paid out Chile a plane fare to go back to Davao, to distance herself from my father... of course, this, Chile denied when I talked to her in 2006.

Secrets ... we all have them ... and as they say, secrets are eventually discovered ...

Truth comes out...

2008-12-27T01:40:00.000-08:00

26 December 2008. I have lived most of my life in Pasay / Makati - with our paternal relatives. We usually go home and visit my maternal relatives on holidays and other occasions, so now I am bonding with Annette and Tita Ninang Tud. And only now do I get to see other pieces of the puzzle - my Mom have been physically abused even before, of which I know nothing about, for the cover story was that she simply went home for a vacation. I was so naive not to think otherwise. And yet, it makes sense, my mother never wanted me to hate my father, she had covered up for him, with her prayer to keep the family together. I really thought she went home for some vacation, that she was missing Lola Osay, her mother. I was wrong.

My mother came from a broken family, that I know. She said she was already in college when her parents separated and thus she does not want the same for us. For me then, history repeats itself, and so be it, one merely needs the courage to accept such things. In my mind, they separated because Lolo Jose had another family. I was wrong, again.

Mom went home because she had bruises and was really hurt. Annette told me that she saw the bruises but she had no voice, she did not tell me much, for she thought I knew. I knew nothing. She recalls how my father went to pick up my Mom with his siblings, my father went on his knees, he cried. Lola Osay have said that if he would just hurt Mommy, it would be best that she stays with her... but Mom was so forgiving, she went home again with him.

Lola Osay herself was physically abused, but only once, and once was more than enough. Tita Ninang Tud said that Lolo Jose have hurt Lola Osay, thus she decided to leave him with all her children, there was no turning back. Lolo Jose was a gambler and a drunk, but Lola Osay overlook that, but when she was hit - that was the turning point. Lolo Jose was devastated that he created malicious rumors about Lola Osay, which is what my father is doing to my Mom. My father have lied for decades, thus it was more than easy for him to tell lies about my Mom.

Christmas eve 2008

2008-12-24T19:52:00.000-08:00

24 December 2008. I am in my cousin Anette's house here in Las Vegas, USA. I felt like crying several times - hearing the Christmas's songs would make the teary eye and the Noche Buena or dinner made me feel so homesick for my mother and my own family.

This also reminds me of an earlier Christmas when my father ended up confined in the Hospital - He was furious with my Mom. That I know, and I know my father had a temper, but then I never did realize that my father had actually been physical with my Mom. It was only in 2006 then I learned about the physical abuse that my Mom had been successful in hiding from me.

I was sleeping in my own pad, which was across our home. My Mom knocked and came in, she had a fight from my Dad who felt slighted about my Mom's friends - which they entertained in Tagaytay. My Dad was so mad, so agitated, his blood pressure was up and he ended up in Manila Sanitarium. My father was so furious that he was saying that it would be best that he left the hospital dead than to see my Mom again.

My Mom was crying and all and I remember endng up in Bangkal - with Ate Maring and Tia Pering. Tia Pering was non chalant about it, laughing and smiling about it, more happy abou seeing us and all. She is, was the best cook among the Reyeses, and as before her house has good, warm food to make us all feel better.

I remember going to the Hospital, it was the time that I opened up and told him that I might never get married... that perhaps I would be forever be a bachelor. He was not looking at me, he dared not look at me, he was very considerate, telling me that it is alright, if that is my fate, then so shall it be. Well, I was fearful of my father's health then, he look so small, so vulnerable on the hospital bed, I felt he was also being emotional, sentimental. He was talking to me, with his head away, not because he did not wish to talk to me, but because he simply could not face me, face what we were talking about - it was very intimate for me. I could only hold my tears, as I was sure he was holding his...

Relieve I was then that he left the hospital alive, things were not the same but I was closer then to him.... I was wrong then to side with him ....

The wedding ... 30 JANUARY 1966

2008-12-21T17:45:00.001-08:00

THE WEDDING was considered "engrande", it was a big wedding. My father was the only one married in a church, my mother was the first one married on her family side.

Grandmother cried a lot - but she was crying for she felt sorry for my Mom. The unforgettable line of my crying paternal grandmother, "naawa ako sa iyo, pinakasalan mo anak ko" ( I pity you for marrying my son ).

Mommy also cried but not at Grandma (Lola Goria) comment but because of one gift - I think it was a black candle and a rose, with the note from another woman "Maghihintay ako sa iyong pagbabalik " (I will wait for your return ). My Mom admit crying over the wedding gift and the note. She was consoled by the paternal relatives, saying that she should let it go for it was her that my father married "Hayaan mo na iyan, ikaw naman ang pinakasalan eh"

The love story begins ....

2008-12-19T19:53:00.000-08:00

A long, long time ago in 1965, Nano met Rosie in Pulo, Cabuyao, Laguna. It was a chance encounter - sort of fate, destiny. Nano was with his friends to visit another provincial lass in Laguna. He was rich looking, debonair type, riding on his bike - which was no good with the sudden onslaught of rain! So he and his friends were forced to take cover in Baltazar Bakery.

Now, the hired store helper was sick. The bakery owner, Generosa Baltazar - Gatdula, ordered her second eldest daughter to attend to the customers. Rosalinda Gatdula remembers seeing these group of young men, who asked for a can of Del Monte Peaches for merienda, and even asked for a can opener.

And so, the Makati boy met the Cabuyao lass simply because he was forced to take cover from the sudden rain, when she was asked to attend to the store due to an absent store helper.

Mariano Reyes is the youngest of siblings born to Diego Reyes and Gregoria Noveda. His other siblings are Maria, Pedro, Angel, Cesario, Sinforosa, and Celing. Mariano, or Nano to his friends, was a true blooded son of Bangkal, Makati - back then, the Ayala center as is known today was nothing but marsh land according to Tio Erning. Nano was the youngest and was definitely spoiled, he did not even finished high school although the opportunity was there - still he was the most educated having finished third year high school. Nano was born on April 19, 1939. But he did not introduce himself as Nano or Mariano - he became Danny. He said he gave another name because Nano sounds so old fashioned Filipino name. Of course, there would be those that looking back, his giving a false name already shows a dishonest character, one preying on innocent lass.

Rosalinda Gatdula was the second eldest of a brood of 8 children. Her siblings are Gertrudes, Josefa, Luchie, Jose Jr, Generoso, Susan, and Milette.

Nano or Danny then visited her regularly, without fail every sunday! It was this devotion that won the heart of the provincial lass.

Battered and beaten at 67

2008-12-17T19:16:00.000-08:00

November 2008. My Mother is 67 years old, she was beaten by my father, she does not deserve that. No woman deserved to be beaten, no matter what age.

Shutting down ... or not ...

2008-11-29T11:25:00.000-08:00

29 November 2008. Some sympathize, some pray, and some wants me to shut up, to shut down the blog. Sure, shutting down the blog was something I wish for, it would mean closure on my part - a new start, a fresh start, saying good bye to tears, hopelessness, the darkness within.

In my last entry, I succumbed to the goodness of my mother. I sent something for my father and again at her request, another gift. I thought healing would start, that there would be no more need for the blog, for me to write. My mother was wrong and I was likewise wrong to hope. Old dogs do find it hard to learn new tricks. Worst, for someone to resort to old tricks such as wife battery.

I was in San Francisco attending a workshop training, happy to talk with colleagues and to feel happiness even for a while. Living in Caracas, Venezuela was a bit lonely and stressful, and that I guess is the price one has to pay to earn better for one´s family. My sister in law was not straigthforward - she just said my brother wants to talk to me, but that was more than enough for me to sense that something was wrong, something was amiss. Truth would always come out. Secrets are so easily spoiled.

My Mom is 67, she came home to Pasay City with bruises and a black eye. As before, she tried to go home to Cabuyao, Laguna - to hide from us the sad truth of my father´s temperament, she called Tita Millet who not knowing fully well her situation excused herself having to take care of her grandchildren. She was forced to come home - and thus my brother came to know. Me, they decided not to tell, so I would not worry, so as not to bother me - good intention, but the worst harm comes from the best intention.

I cried on the phone, in the bathroom, and then to a friend´s shoulders. My eyes hurt from the tears but they would never be enough. I cry not from worry, my brother would protect my Mom, which is what they text me now. I cry for I am not there to be with my Mom, I am so far away, feeling so useless, unable to comfort her.

I cry out of sadness. I had hoped, together with my Mom´s wishes - things would be better. Part of me was pessimistic, part of me wanted a legal battle way back in 2006, I guess I was right that we should have parted ways and have divided the properties way back then. But being right does not make me feel good, sometimes I wish I am wrong.

Fellowship night of the training workshop - I excluded myself. My maternal cousin and my mother´s eldest sibling, Ninang Tud came all the way from Sacramento to San Francisco. It was so difficult holding back the tears. Been a decade since I saw Ninang Tud, her papers are still in process so she cannot go home right now. They had heard but would not want to tell me, I could not blame them. My paternal relatives hid the truth from me for almost 20 years!!

The truth hurts, it is sometimes so unbearable but I would rather know than live in blissful ignorance. Knowing something gives me the option to think, to consider alternative courses of action - this is better than not doing anything, for not knowing anything at all.

The blog stays.. the blog lives ... and this blog will see the triumph of my family against the wicked ways of my father, his mistress, his mistress´s childen, and my likewise, the evil followers cousin of my father (blood suckers all of them!)

Para sa Tatay ko ...

2008-06-12T07:29:00.000-07:00

"Mamatay ka din!" (You will die too!) - these were my father´s last words to me. Oh, do not get me wrong, my father is still alive in the Philippines. But two years ago, I brought into light his secret, his mistress for twenty years. Since then we have not talked to each, not even when his last surviving sibling died, not even when I left the country last year.

Father's Day - people are celebrating it. Here in Caracas, they do not talk only of a Father's Day, they refer to June as Father's Month, Mes del Padre. How can I greet someone that gave me life and took it all away?

My Father is very notorious. My paternal relatives are afraid of him, are weary of him. He is known to have physically abused a cousin's suitor, so she run away with him although she felt more for someone. She is now separated from him. He again abused another cousin´s suitor - this time, my cousin did not elope, she instead chose a husband approved by the clan. Yes, my father is a wife beater but my mother would deny it. Those times she was black and blue, she would run home to her family in Cabuyao, Laguna - where no one would talk about the domestic violence. For me and my brother, we were just told she went for a vacation with my Grandmother.

By today's standards, the beatings I had as a child would be considered as child abuse. He would use his belt, his slippers, kick me a lot. My mother would do her best to intervene and slip me out of the house, I would have to spend the evening in a relative's house.

I used to fear my father. I learned to act like a robot when he is around less I earn his displeasure.

I know my father's philandering ways. My mother used to justify it as a norm among the Reyes clan, that he was not the only one. But we assumed that he was having one mistress one after another, no one permanent ... not only one mistress for two decades! My father kept Chili and even educated her three daughters from her previous marriage. Then, it was clear where he spent his income.

We did not really enjoy any financial support from him, it was my Mother who was more than intelligent in having our business profitable.

In April 2006, my father hired a help for our store, the boy thought my mother was just another hired help. He said to my Mom that he got the job because of my Father´s wife - Chili. So, my Mom crumbled and there I started to investigate until I unearthed what was hidden from us all this time. Sure, my paternal relatives new but chose to be silent, they do not want to be involve, more they do not want to get the ire of my father.

My mother left my father then, but still no word from him. In my search for the truth, I learned that the mistress and her daughter where sued in court for physical abuse. I attended the hearing and sided with the plaintiff, and only after that was a family meeting called. That was when my father, in full anger, with eyes red, full of rage - shouted and said that to me... "Mamatay ka din!!".

My meek mother depended me, she was full of anger and indignation. But she lose her fire, my father said that he would raher leave all of us for his mistress. I have a monster father. I thought of him as evil, the worst husband, an unworthy father.

My mother forgave my father and they went into a cycle of being together and being separated. My brother and I chose not to tell my father that I left to work abroad last year, my mother wanted us to drop by before I leave. No, it hurts but we do not want any drama.

Now, its Father's day ... the most I could do is to buy him a blood pressure monitor and have it parceled to him. I told my Mom - para sa tatay. What more can be said?

No matter how bad, how evil, how undeserving of love, how wrong my father is ... sad it may be, he is still my father.

I could only cry here. Tatay ko pa rin siya.

So Be It

2008-04-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

My left shoulder hurts. It is very stiff, it has been like that for around a week or so. I do not remember when it really started, I did not took much notice of it. I still have use of my left arm and hand except that I cannot raise it fully or have full strength as before - movement is limited. I presumed it had been stiff, some nerve root or so have gotten pinched in my sleep. AND at the back of my head, the Wiccan Creed, the law of Karma - one should harm no one, or it would come back three fold. BUT if this is the price that I had to pay, SO BE IT.

How much do I love my Mom? Very much! I would kill for her and perhaps I might have. Right at the start of the whole brouhaha, education, my education was out of the window, I have forgotten them. All I remember is the pain, the injustice of it all, the desire to kill, to have some justice. I would love to have been the palengkera that my Mom could have been ... I remember replying such on an email, I was told I was doing dirty laundry in public, I was castigated by my Head of office - but SO BE IT.

Truth enough, my father is guilty and all. I know he is culpable and all, and I have not talked to him in the last two years. I know he is responsible as much as the mistress - but why the focus, the hatred on the mistress? For no matter what, sad to say, he is still my father, my biological father, my blood father. It hurts to think that he had another family, he cared for three daughters that are not his, those three daughters that he sent from elementary to college are his mistress' children from her husband. Sure, the money could have helped my mother, worst, it was money that we worked for .... money, that in my mind we earned to support this mistress. That hurts a lot, but what hurts most is the time and love that was taken from us. When I was younger, we used to go Luneta Park and movies, we were family. When it stopped when I was a bit older, I thought it was because we have more expenses and thus the need to earn more, all of us to work harder - only to see that we shared him... and that hurts. Because on a personal level, we deserve that time, we deserve that love. He is still my father, I could not get a hex, a spell, or prayer against him.. unfair to wish all on the mistress.. but then SO BE IT...

My eyes hurt from tears, my heart aches more from the wound, it has not yet healed...

Someone have jokingly asked if I had even contemplated paying an assasin or something, YES I have planned and killed Chili in my mind several times. Yes, I till have that cash ready and available just to get even with her. Yes, I have went to her house and dumpl a month's cat litter at her house. Yes, I claim responsibility of scracthing their car. Yes, I would do more ... thus, it was then I jumped on taking this foreign assignment here in Caracas. What was holding me back from the last two years? My Mom, I love her, and I still have to respect her wishes. I remember her words " Ayaw ko kayong maging kriminal ( I do not want you to become criminals) ". So the pain remains, I have to wait.... I have to be patient for the right time... SO BE IT.

Visualization

2008-03-28T13:50:00.000-07:00

Visualization or imagining it in your head is considered part of any spell making, it referred to by some as positivism or positive thinking, it is considered as part of The Secret.

Thus, I always think of Chili crying, remorseful, of being sick... dead and lying in a coffin. But I also have to admit that I am not also that consistent at times in my imagery of what should be her punishment, it varies with the degree of my emotions. When I feel good and forgiving, I simply try to forget her. At times, I feel so sorry for everything that has happened, I wish her a longer life, sitting in a wheel chair, with half of her body dead, she being a vegetable, drool streaking on her face. Then, I would be thinking, with her medical condition, surely she and her evil daughters would simply suck blood on my father - cutting into what should be my family, to my two nephews, then she would be better off dead.

Others might consider it waste of time, effort, and resources. But somehow, I feel good making a paper coffin with her inside. This is how I envision her, and I see it would be for the good of all. Afterall, in any telenovela or soap, once the antagonist is gone, the story ends. And I pray it all ends with her ...

(Yes, I know, there still lies the problem of the alleged half brother - from a previous mistress of my father. But then, that is another story.)

Easter thinking....

2008-03-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

Two years hence. So much changes, I am no longer the same person I was. Legal action proved futile for my forgave my father and I have no right to file charges, or file anything. But it does not stop the hurt, no matter how silent we are, no matter that we do not talk about it - it is there.

I was so mad and angry that I had to fight a basic instinct - to release that negative energy in me, I would have killed the mistress or pay someone to kill her. Somehow from the legal point of view, I walked an alternative, silent path. Yes, I have been labeled and called a witch. Would I deny it? Nahhh, no used denying perceptions. What matters is justice.

It is justice that I seek, karma for them. Thus, I planned and thought of a ritual, a spell I did .... soon I learned Chili had suffered a stroke and it was said she is half dead, her face mis shapen.

Tabingi na raw mukha ni Chili. Biro naman ng mga pinsan ko, tabingi na raw ang pekpek ng puta. It did not matter really, the news made me smile. I asked for divine justice, I beseeched the spirits for mercy, I asked the elements for her to suffer. And I was heard.

Black friday. So much have been said about this day being a potent day for spell casting. That day, I did another prayer. I asked for her to suffer, and am sure her affliction was definitely uncomfortable uneasy. Now, I asked for her death. Now, I asked her to be gone from our lives, for us, for the rest to start our own healing. Chili Uy is a scourge on our lives, she is the cancer that ate my family.

I have said my prayer, to others, to some, it was a spell, a ritual. Como sea. Whatever. I want to start healing, and one cannot heal when the virus or the sicknesss is still there. I wait for her and her evil daughter, Catherine Uy to be begone from this earth.

babaeng makasalanan magbago ka na
babaeng makasalanan mawala ka na sa buhay namin
babaeng makasalanan magsisi ka na

Funny...

2008-01-02T14:45:00.000-08:00

I am now based here in Caracas, supposedly earning dollars and all. But am I happy? NO - for I am far away from my Mom, my Brother and his family, my friends, my relatives, and my Cat!!! It is over a week since I arrived here, at times I take delight with the new experiences, the new sights but also there are the moments of loneliness, the moments of despair. Yet, I know there would be other officemates who are very envious of my being here, earning dollar allowances.

At times of being sad, I just think of learning spanish and count how much I would be able to earn and save. How much I can even spend.

Looking back, everything have been a roller coaster ride beginning with the confirmation that my father did indeed have a mistress - CHILI... for 20 years!!!!

I motivate myself that I would earn money, that I would wait, bid my time... eventually my family would have justice, Chili and her horrible, evil daughters would have their doom.

Time for Death

2006-10-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

I do not know the time. I do not know how long I was standing there, holding a knife over my wrist. I was just staring not knowing what to do. I was tired, I was sad. And the knife was getting heavy on my wrists.. just one slash. Would it hurt? How long would I bleed? Would I be missed or cursed? Slowly the sharpness of the knife sting, slowly some blood started to surface. I lifted my head, and all I could do then is cry. I remember my friends, I remember my mentors - read the bible, think of us. So there was I, mixing tears and blood on my pillow. Emotionally in tears and physically hurting for the slight gash.

Last year, I lost two aunts and a cousin. Death hurts, one can easily cry and tears would washes the grief away. But what hurts more than death? Betrayal and rejection. We know our father is a philandering husband but in our mind, we think that it was a long line of various mistresses, flavors of the month or of a few months. Not like this, there are some communities that think of him and my mother as separated, and that the wife is this Chili Uy from Davao. For years, I have been told that I cannot do anything for it is a matter between husband and wife. But this time, I see my mother, so downcasts, with darkness over here. From there I took out to find the truth, the details. A lot - friends, relatives, neighbors do know but they chose to be quiet, no involvement, and being the family, we were the last to know.

My parents have been married for 40 years, and half of that - for twenty years, there is only one mistress, this Chili Uy who is married herself with three children. She opted to leave her husband and be my father's mistress, my father raising also her three daughters. My father funded their education from elementary, high school, and college whereas it was my mother who have to provide for me and my brother!

I have so much anger, I have so much hatred. I wanted to hurt that Chili Uy and her children. I even confronted them amicably, controlling myself - thus I learned more directly from them. I was nice but boiling inside. Chili Uy and her daughter Katherine Uy are accused in a case, I even went there, but to support the plaintiff. That raised their ire, and from there, Katherine told me "bakit ninyo ba pinasisikan ang sarili niyo kung ayaw na sa inyo ng tatay mo?"

Two days after, my father, mother, brother, sister in law, and our oldest paternal relative was in conference. So much have been said, voices were raised. My father admits but unrepentant. He admits having a mistress, oh.. he corrected himself, Chili Uy is not his mistress but his wife. Tia Maring wanted a reconciliation, but father was adamant, he is happier with his "wife" not us. He would rather have all the properties divided and that he can give them to his wife. My mother was crestfallen, my heart goes to her. I was holding my tears. My brother was already silently crying.

For my mom, I have forsaken my work and others. I was by her side most of the time. That night, I was so afraid for her. I have my own anger, hatred, and sadness but I pushed them to the background and focused on my mother. It was during this time that my mother admitted to being a battered wife, of being physically abused that twice she had to seek medical attention. Twice she left the house to heal her bruises - those times we thought they only had a quarrel, a misunderstanding, but not a head wound or a broken rib.

So much have happened since then, our lives seemed like a telenovela. Worst part is that I am only a son, one of the children, nothing can be done against my father - it is only my mom who can file a case. My mom who in the end chose to forgive him, who thought that she should fight for the 40 yrs of their married life no matter how bad it was.

Am I mad, angry? Oh yes, definitely, without doubt. In my mind, I have played more than a dozen scenarios of revenge, I have imagined their deaths over and over again. There is so much hatred that it takes a lot not to really hurt them or do anything. In the end, that destructive anger turned on to myself - there I was standing in front of an altar, holding the night, struggling within my mind to give up and to move on.

I am screwed up! Although it seems I survived this week, I know not till when I can hold on to sanity or when I would lose reason either to kill them or kill myself.

Why this letter to all? Just a reminder that extra marital affairs are not only between the husband and the wife, but it affects the children, your children. We, the children also suffers. My case might be extreme but the point is - when one betrays a spouse, the betrayal is against the whole family, it includes the children!

A read somewhere an ambassador asking some consideration for a staff, since the foreign service is a fertile ground for extra marital affairs - oh please! I can understand the loneliness but think of the repercussions, the end result - think of the possible effect of such times of weakness. If not for the advise of friends in my mind, I would not be here writing this to all. Pehaps by this day, I would have been six feet below the ground.

Galit ako sa Kabit

2006-10-17T11:29:00.000-07:00

Nasa tao ang gawa, nasa Diyos ang awa. Sa masamang gawain ng aking ama, naawa na siguro ang diyos. Takot makialam ang mga tao kahit mga kamaganak namin, walang naglakas loob na magsabi sa amin. Pero eto, may kinuhang boy na ang pagkakilala sa kabit ay siyang tunay na asawa, at ang tingin sa aking ina - matandang kulot na tauhan lamang ng aking ama! Mula noon, parang isang tele serye ang naging buhay namin.

Lakas loob kong hinarap at kinausap pa iyong kabit at ang kanyang anak, taga M. de la Cruz lang pala sila. Walang away, walang eskandalo, walang sigawan. Pero ibang klase ang kabit - siya ang asawa ng tatay ko, sinasabi niyang naghiwalay na ang aking magulang. Kilala din siya sa kanyang barangay, may katok daw sa ulo, mapang away, mata pobre, at kilala sa pangalang Magdalena. Iniwan ni Magdalena ang asawa, ang ama ng kanyang tatlong anak na babae para maging kerida.

Ang mga bata, hindi talaga alam ang kanyang kwento, nasanay na tawagin siyang Magdalena. At dahil bata, hilig nilang isigaw ang pangalang Magdalena na ikinagagalit ng magaling na kabit. Inabangan ni Magdalena at Katya (hindi tunay na pangalan) ang mga batang nanunukso, at kanilang nasaktan ang isa sa kanila, si Ryan. Matapang din ang ina ni Ryan na si Clarita, hinarap, kahit kalhati lamang sya sa laki ng magina. May tama nga daw sa utak siguro si Magdalena, siya pa ang nagharap ng reklamo sa barangay. Nagreklamo din si Clarita at Ryan, pero ang kanilang reklamo na lamang ang umakyat sa korte.

Sa bista ng reklamo, muli din akong nagpakita. Nakaupo ako sa loob ng korte kasama ang pamilya ni Clarita at Ryan. Papasok na si Magdalena at Katya, bigla silang napa uron, hindi kagad tumuloy. Natapos ang bista, halatang naggalaiti sa galit si Katya, inis na inis. Hindi nila inaasahan na kakampihan ko ang tinging nilang mga dukha at mahirap. Hinabol ko sila ng kuha ng litrato. Hinarap ako.

"Bakit ka ba ganyan?" sabi ni Katya.

"Sabi sa akin, kunan ko daw kayo ng litrato"

"Ah ganun? Oh sige, kunan mo ako" sagot ni Magdalena, sabay namewang.

Kinunan ko kaagad ng litrato, ganoon din sabay baling kay Katya.

"Bakit mo ba pinagpipilitan ang sarili ninyo sa tatay ninyo, eh ayaw na sa inyo!!"

Natigilan ako. Ang sakit ng mga salita. Oo nga, ayaw na nga siguro sa amin, paano inagawan na kami. Sabi nga naman nila, mas mahusay at mas palaban ang mga kerida.

Ano pa ba pwede kong gawin? Ano pa ba dapat?

40 years ng kasal ang magulang ko. At ng gabing magusap kami ni Magdalena, pinagmamalaki niya, 20 yrs na daw sila ng ama ko. Ang tatay ko daw bumuhay sa kanya at tatlo niyang anak. Ang tatay ko nag pa aral sa mga anak nya mula elementarya hanggang kolehiyo. Ang tatay ko na hindi nagbigay sa pagaaral ko o ng kapatid ko.

Nagharap na rin ang buong pamilya. Matapang nuong iuna ang ina ko, ngunit parang kandilang naupos ng sinabi ng tatay ko, "Hindi ko kerida iyon, asawa ko iyon". Natakot ako para sa aking ina, bigla na lang siyang napayuko, nanahimik. Natapos ang usapan, hindi daw uuwi ang tatay ko sa Pasay, pero hindi rin daw sya uuwi sa M de La Cruz. Kahit na, parang tulala na ang nanay ko. Ibang klase ang ama ko. Ang tatay ko na hindi man lang humingi ng sorry sa kanyang kasalanan kundi buong pagmamalaki na inamin pa ang iba pa nyang naging kabit o kerida.

Sabi nila ipa Diyos na lamang ang makasalanang magdalena. Ewan ko. Ang nalaman ko, wala akong karapatan na idemanda sila, ang nanay ko lamang o ang asawa ni Magdalena. Kaya sa ngayon, idinadaan ko na lang sa pagsusulat at sa internet ang lahat ng sama ng loob. Tuyo na kasi na kasi luha ko. Nagtayo din ako ng isang yahoogroup sa http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jailthemistress na may mga nakakaunawa at sumasali.

Alam kaya nila ang kasalanan nila? Ang epekto nila sa mga anak? Susunugin kaya talaga sa impyerno ang mga kaluluwa nila? Ewan... basta ako, galit kay Magdalena.

Effects ..... how traumatized are the children really?

2006-10-14T12:36:00.000-07:00

I received emails in private and read some postings in another discussion group. My mind started again on the pros and cons. I admit being mad, angry, hateful, and definitely out for retribution. I want changes, some action ... but what about the children per se?

So far, one identifiable trauma is a phobia from relationship. I am still unmarried nor commitment material. My brother got married when he was 32, which was six years ago. His girlfriend waited for more than a decade. Now I read someone catching her mom with a lover, and her stance - firm resolution never to get married, to anyone.

How can we help ourselves from this emotional scarring?

At least, from these, it is obvious that the children are indeed collateral damage, definiely affected. Any suggestions?

I have therefore rethink the course and nature of the yahoogroup Jail the Mistress. More immediate concern is a support group.

Beginning an Advocacy : JAIL THE MISTRESS!!!

2006-10-11T20:51:00.000-07:00

This would be my third day of absence from work. This would be the sixth month since our family was shattered to pieces. I have been thinking, feeling, wondering how to sum it up. I want some justice, revenge, vengeance, understanding, closure, sympathy.... to move on, to have a life .... and in the end ... I want the culprit, the mistress, the querida be jailed. Thus - to sum it up: JAIL THE MISTRESS!!!

I am not the legal wife, I am the eldest son of a battered wife. Yes, hard to say it, my Mom is and was a battered wife, she had been verbally and physically abused. I am one of the silent casualties of philandering husbands, and I will no longer be silent.

Years ago, I was told to be silent. My father's affairs is between my Mom and my Dad. My mother expressed her suspicion, but would always cower up in fear. This year, she opened up. Twice she went home to Lola, twice I thought it was some sort of a lover's quarrel - actually twice she had been physically beaten up. Twice she ended up seeking medical help, broken ribs, a bleeding head. But she loves my father so much, she did not want me or my brother to see her that way. She chose to go home, for even if Lola, my Aunts and Uncles, and my cousins would see her - she knows no one would tell us, they would be silent. Such silence was kept over the years... till now.

Aril 2006, the bubble burst. Our family had a new houseboy, meeting the new employ, my Mom (Rosalinda) interviewed him. "where did you come from, how did you get employed?" she asked. And the reply "from the wife of Kuya Nano, Ate Chili". My mom was shocked and rendered silent. Almost two decades ago ... a man have approached my Mom, asking her to talk to Dad, that his wife be left alone. Chili's husband then, and the immediate family tried to be diplomatic. My mom gave Php5,000 so Chili can go back to Davao and end the affair. Apparently, she have stayed and continued the illicit affair.

My Mom was so distraught that she went to my brother's house, and it was there I found her. My heart went to my Mom, she does not deserve this after 40 yrs of marriage! The boy sensed he said something wrong and have chosen not to answer any more, less to incriminate anymore. It was then that I started to search for the Mistress till the time I located her.

I gathered up courage and talked to her, diplomatically. She is a proud person and disclosed a lot. Being friendly she told me a lot, not much did came into my head, I was trying to control my emotions, trying to be calm. My Mom was flabbergasted ... she was headstrong to pursue legal action. We have even stared talking to lawyers. Then, she backed out. My Mom backslided, typical of battered wives, she went back to him. BUT, I have no legal entity to continue any case against my father. For months, I simmered and brewed, I know I am not alone in this experience - others have survived, and I know I will. But survival from the ordeal is not enough, there is no justice. I am of a legal age but I cannot initiate legal proceedings, thus ... my only recourse is to inform others and ask our lawmakers to empower children like me against erring parents.

It has been said that mistresses are part of the machismo cult, of the Filipino culture. But time changes, so are views and traditions. We, the children of adulterous parents should not be made collateral damage, we should be empowered likewise by the state. Thus, the advocacy.. JAIL THE MISTRESS!!!