Scrapbooking ... this is a hobby, my therapy

06 July 2009.

DENIED.... DENIED..

03 JULY 2009. In a state of depression, I released my sentiments and I asked to be relieved of duties. I felt sad and unrecognized. I was thinking of letting go as the finance officer - perhaps, it would not be so bad to be made into an usher or embassy guard, to usher people in and out of the building. But then my Ambassador replied - DENIED. Can I be relieved of other duties as well, DENIED. I was silent, and then I slowly felt good. This is one denial, that made me more confident and sure about myself.

Crying on the floor

02 July 2009. My mother have informed me, tom or rather now - Philippine time, they would be celebrating the 40th day of my father's death. She informed me that she sleeps with my brother's family again, since her domestic angel have left. My mother finds it difficult to sleep alone since she was beaten.

She informed me of their plans on how to celebrate it. I feel sad and helpless.

yes.. i am depressed!!!

01 July 2009. I think that is the first step I have to make - admitting that I am getting into a deep spiral of depression. Or that I am undeniably or unquestionably depressed. I am already sitting on my office table and yet I still could not do my own work. I have to my credit have already downloaded the Embassy communication. Its the first day so I should be paying the LQA for the month ... and yet I find myself vacillating, my mind wondering to the messages I exchanged with my mother.

I need to focus. I need to accept reality. I need to admit the truth.

My father is dead, shot in the head with a gunshot wound with the killer still out there. And we could only even think that the killer is a hired assasin for otherwise, my father would have already reacted when he saw him in public transportation. My father was shot point blank in a Jeep (Evangelista - Libertad route) said to be on his way to his mistress.