This would be my third day of absence from work. This would be the sixth month since our family was shattered to pieces. I have been thinking, feeling, wondering how to sum it up. I want some justice, revenge, vengeance, understanding, closure, sympathy.... to move on, to have a life .... and in the end ... I want the culprit, the mistress, the querida be jailed. Thus - to sum it up: JAIL THE MISTRESS!!!
I am not the legal wife, I am the eldest son of a battered wife. Yes, hard to say it, my Mom is and was a battered wife, she had been verbally and physically abused. I am one of the silent casualties of philandering husbands, and I will no longer be silent.
Years ago, I was told to be silent. My father's affairs is between my Mom and my Dad. My mother expressed her suspicion, but would always cower up in fear. This year, she opened up. Twice she went home to Lola, twice I thought it was some sort of a lover's quarrel - actually twice she had been physically beaten up. Twice she ended up seeking medical help, broken ribs, a bleeding head. But she loves my father so much, she did not want me or my brother to see her that way. She chose to go home, for even if Lola, my Aunts and Uncles, and my cousins would see her - she knows no one would tell us, they would be silent. Such silence was kept over the years... till now.
Aril 2006, the bubble burst. Our family had a new houseboy, meeting the new employ, my Mom (Rosalinda) interviewed him. "where did you come from, how did you get employed?" she asked. And the reply "from the wife of Kuya Nano, Ate Chili". My mom was shocked and rendered silent. Almost two decades ago ... a man have approached my Mom, asking her to talk to Dad, that his wife be left alone. Chili's husband then, and the immediate family tried to be diplomatic. My mom gave Php5,000 so Chili can go back to Davao and end the affair. Apparently, she have stayed and continued the illicit affair.
My Mom was so distraught that she went to my brother's house, and it was there I found her. My heart went to my Mom, she does not deserve this after 40 yrs of marriage! The boy sensed he said something wrong and have chosen not to answer any more, less to incriminate anymore. It was then that I started to search for the Mistress till the time I located her.
I gathered up courage and talked to her, diplomatically. She is a proud person and disclosed a lot. Being friendly she told me a lot, not much did came into my head, I was trying to control my emotions, trying to be calm. My Mom was flabbergasted ... she was headstrong to pursue legal action. We have even stared talking to lawyers. Then, she backed out. My Mom backslided, typical of battered wives, she went back to him. BUT, I have no legal entity to continue any case against my father. For months, I simmered and brewed, I know I am not alone in this experience - others have survived, and I know I will. But survival from the ordeal is not enough, there is no justice. I am of a legal age but I cannot initiate legal proceedings, thus ... my only recourse is to inform others and ask our lawmakers to empower children like me against erring parents.
It has been said that mistresses are part of the machismo cult, of the Filipino culture. But time changes, so are views and traditions. We, the children of adulterous parents should not be made collateral damage, we should be empowered likewise by the state. Thus, the advocacy.. JAIL THE MISTRESS!!!
2 comments:
This was written almost 2 years ago, I hope you're okay now. If you ask me, I would not only jail the mistress but jail your dad too. Both parties are equally guilty. Nakakainis lang na ipinamumukha ng mistress na sila ang "mas mahal" ng tatay mo.
Nalaman kong babaero ang tatay ko when I was in my early 20s (36 na ko ngayon). He has one mistress na long term na up to now I know in touch sila but I believe now wala nang sexual anything. (dahil 68 na ang tatay ko, retired so limited income, at madami nang nararamdaman ... so any contact with the other woman has got to be platonic na siguro). Noong una kong nalaman so many things became clear about why my mom was the way she was. All those years pala alam niyang babaero ang tatay ko at mahilig mag bar, mag table, magpuntang massage parlors doing not just massage, etc...pero nilihim niya sa amin at kinimkim sa sarili niya. I always idolized my dad until the cracks came out...and finally the truth too.
Noon pinagbabagsakan ko ng telepono ang babae ng tatay ko. Pag nagkikita kami di ko siya tinitingnan at kinakausap. Nanay ko civil pa silang dalawa, nag small talk pa, pero di ko kaya. Kaya siguro nagka cancer nanay ko ngayon dahil sa madaming taon ng pagtitiis sa ganung sitwasyon. Anyway- my point- I had that anger in me too before.
Pero narecognize ko din noon pa man na ang primary target ng galit ko ay ang tatay ko talaga, pangalawa lang ang mistress. Mas vocal ako sa galit ko sa mistress pero inaaway ko din ang tatay ko. Tuwing magrerequest siyang wag ko daw bastusin si babae, I would tell him na kapag inacknowledge ko ang babae niya, it's like spitting in the face of my own mom. I would really vocally tell him off, itinatama ko ang twisted logic niya kaya hindi niya makuhang makipag argue sa akin...kahit na anak lang ako sunusupalpal ko siya.
Yung tungkol sa 'jail the mistress' mali yan. Dapat jail the adulterers. Ke babae o lalaki, walang distinction. basta pumatol sa may asawa, lalo pa kung may asawa din. Dapat may batas na ayusin muna nila ang personal affairs nila---hiwalay kung hiwalay, pero walang bastusan na ganyan---bago kumabit sa iba.
Anyway mahaba na ito and I have only read this one entry di pa ung the rest.
Yes, it was two years ago. The pain is still there. I have read recently that the mind is a precarious thing, it forgets bad memories.
I am surprised to think that it had been two years, I do not know what else to do or go.
The problem about being emotional is that one finds it hard to be objective, tears simply flow. Emotions are good, makes writing more alive, but in that aspect I do know I cannot trust myself.
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